Laptop Fun
by Headbanger62
Summary: My first fic uploaded. Stupid, short, insane and OOC. What else could you ask for?


Laptop Fun  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to him. They all belong to J. K. Rowling. I also don't own Nelson. This is my first HP fic so be nice. :)  
  
It was Harry Potters birthday again. Woopdy-freaking-doo. Every year, he had to spend his birthday with his aunt, uncle and cousin, the Dursleys. They hated him, and he hated them back. He lived in a very small room under the staircase. It was a surprise he got any presents on his birthday at all. He'd usually get something like a sock or a hat pin. It was'nt like he had friends, it was just that every year, something kept his letters from getting to him. For example, one year a house elf had stopped all letters in hopes that he would not go back to his wizarding school, Hogwarts. But this year was different. As Harry woke up, he expected to see the usually pile of jack-squat at the foot of his bed. But this year, there was a large pile of candies, presents and letters.  
  
Harry: "What the-? Well, it looks like everything got through this year."  
  
Harry looked over at his pet owl, Hedwig, and saw that she was asleep, and looked very tired. She must've had some trip getting all these things to Harry in one night. After filling her water and food dishes, he started at the large pile. The first one he opened was the Dursleys present, which was lying at his doorstep. He always opened it first so get the initial shock over with. Their presents got suckier every year. This time he got exactly four paperclips. He threw the paperclips out the window and onto the grass below as an insult to the Dursleys. Now he could start on his real presents. The first one hee unwrapped was the soft fluffy package he got from his friend Ron Weasley's mother. She was very fond of him. Like always, she had sent him an emerald green sweater with a gold H on the front. She gave these to all her children. Different colors for each child, but without the letter on the front, except for the ones she made for her twin boys, Fred and George. Their sweaters had an F and G on them respectively. Harry put the sweater aside, and opened the present he got from his friend, Ron. It was a box of chocolate frogs, a wizard candy. They were, of course, chocolates, shaped like frogs. They came with little cards of famous withes and wizards that you could collect. What card you got was completely random, so you never knew which one you would get. Harry popped a chocolate frog in his mouth, and checked the card. Albus Dumbledore. He had four of those already. Oh well. Harry then picked up a very neatly wrapped packege, with a small card attached to it. He imediately knew it was from one of his other friends, Hermione. She had got him a box of porfessional grade broomstick polish. Now there was two packages left. One, wich was messily wrapped with sloppy handwriting on the card, and one that was just a small, thin, cardboard box. Harry picked up the messy one first, and unrwrapped it. It was from his friend, Hagrid. Hagrid was the groundskeeper at Hogwarts. He was the one that had first told Harry about his magical past, and introduced him to the world of magic. Hagrid had made him a chocolate fudge cake that read, in sloppy frosting writing, "Happy Birthday Harry." Lastly, Harry read the dard that was attached to the plain cardboard box. All it said was "Have fun!" Harry eagerly opened the package to discover that whoever had given him this, had obviously spent alot of money. It was a laptop computer.  
  
Harry: "Cool! But, who could've sent this?"  
  
Harry plugged it in to the outlet and phone line.  
  
Harry: "Wait. I don't have any outlets or phone lines in here. Where did they come from? Oh well."  
  
Harry turned on the laptop and fiddled around with it for a few hours. He surfed the inter, did some downloading, and suddenly found himself in a very dangerous place.  
  
Harry: "Dude. I'm in Snape's computer. I can do anything I want to him in here. ...Cool!!"  
  
Harry excitedly deleted files, changed others, messed up photos, changed passwords, deleted e-mail, moved things around, renamed things, and looked at all of Snape's private stuff. Wich included a very large collection of porno.  
  
Harry: "Eeww. I don't know why I looked in there."  
  
As a last message, he left some rude words on Snapes desktop.  
  
Harry: "Hehe. Just wait 'till he boots up again."  
  
Harry then decided to hack into the Hogwarts computer. When he got in, he changed Malfoys grades so that he flunked everything. Even going to the bathroom. Unfortunately, Mrs. McGonagal cought him inside their system, but she was acting wierd.  
  
McGonagol: "Oooh! He's here! I knew he'd come!! Just like I asked him!"  
  
Harry then got a few messages on his screen.  
  
McGonagal: I knew you'd come sooner or later!! I want you so bad! Do me!! DO ME ALL NIGHT LONG!! I want you! I want you so much it hurts!! Come with me to the land of pleasure and bliss!! Come to me sweetbuns!!!  
  
Harry: "AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Harry turned off his computer as fast as the button would press and quickly disconnected the phone line.  
  
Harry: "Still not clean!! Must wash un-holines away!!! EWEWEWEWE!!!!!"  
  
Harry then ran into the shower and washed away the scent of McGonagal's messgaes.  
  
Harry: "Eeeeewwwwwie!!!! Groosss!!! I was turned on by Mrs. McGonagal!! OH GOD!!!!"  
  
Then Hedwig flew out of her cage and started pecking Harry.  
  
Harry: "OW!! Quit it you stupid-ass bird!!!"  
  
Then Hedwig flew away.  
  
Harry: "Dumb bird."  
  
Then Dudley came cartwheeling into Harry's room.  
  
Dudley: "WWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Harry: "What the hell is wrong with you!!??"  
  
Dudley: "WWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Then Dudley jumps out the window and kills himself.  
  
Harry: "Good riddance."  
  
Then Hedwig flies back into Harry's room, craps on his head and flies away and into the engine of an air plane.  
  
Nelson: "Ha ha!!"  
  
Harry wipes the crap off his head. Then Ron backs his car through Harry's window, killing Mr. and Mrs. Dursley.  
  
Harry: "Cool!! Thanks!!"  
  
Ron: "Piss off, Harry!! I'm going to go make out with Hermione!!"  
  
Harry: "......Dumb-ass."  
  
Then Dumbledore comes skipping down the street.  
  
Dumbledore: "Dumbly dumbly dumblydore! Fumbly wumbly dumblydore! My name is so funny! Hee hee!! *skip skip skip*"  
  
Then Sirius has a bake sale. Then Neville gives Malfoy a cookie. Then Malfoy dies. Then Hermione and Ron get married and have fifty-two children. Then Neville dies. Then Sirius dies of cookie poisoning. Then Dumbledore takes a leak on a mailbox and get's arrested.  
  
Harry: "STOP SAYING THEN!!!"  
  
Shove it, butthead!!  
  
Harry: "Hey!! I'm not a butthead!!"  
  
Yes you are!! See? You look just like him.  
  
Harry: "Wow. I do."  
  
Now go smash things with a hammer!!!  
  
Harry: "Yes sir!! Smashie smashie smashie smashie smashie!!!!!!"  
  
The End.......... Or is it?  
  
Harry: "Smashie smashie smashie smashie SMASHIE SMASHIE SMASHIE SMASHIE SmAsHiE sMaShIe SmAsHiE sMaShIe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Then Harry dies.  
  
  
The End 


End file.
